Michael G. Putter Attorney at Law
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Oneida County Divorce Law Blog

Could your social media use land you in divorce court?

According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), their 2010 members' survey indicates that over 80 percent of the attorneys have had cases where a spouse's social media posts were used as evidence in a divorce.

In fact, family law attorneys offer these examples of how clients' marriages suffer from social media postings:

Make friends with 'the other woman' for the sake of the children

Facing the end of your relationship with your spouse can be devastating. However, if you realize that the two of you have either drifted apart or been unhappy for a while, it may be understandable if you find out that your spouse is in love with another woman.

It may be difficult to picture yourself making friends with the other woman. The truth is that if you have children, it could be the best move you ever make.

Can I request custody of a child if I am not the parent?

You are not the parent of the children you take an active role in helping to raise, but you love them very much. Recent circumstances have made it necessary to question who the children’s primary custodial guardian should be. If you are not the biological parent, do you have a right to petition the court for custody? When this is a concern, it helps to understand how family law courts in New York address the matter.

There are many situations in which you or another nonparent might seek custody of a child, including the following:

  • The biological parents may have become incapacitated or deemed unsuitable to parent the children, and the grandparents wish to raise the children.
  • The parents wanted their children’s aunt and uncle to have custody if they passed away before the children became adults, but the parents died without a will. Now, the aunt and uncle are facing opposition from other relatives regarding who should take care of the children.
  • A couple is getting a divorce, and the stepfather knows that the children’s biological mother is abusive and will pose a danger to her children if she gets custody of them.

Will you need to file a Qualified Domestic Relations Order?

Divorcing New York residents often are surprised to learn that their divorce judgments and property settlements fail to address the dispersal of pension funds from a participant's benefits account. They discover that what they actually need to file are Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDROs).

QDROs are court-approved orders assigning some portion (or rarely, all) of a participant's retirement plan benefits to the participant's child, spouse, former spouse or other dependents. These beneficiaries are referred to as alternate payees.

Should you change your retirement planning after divorce?

You've been planning for retirement for years. It looked like everything was going to fall into place perfectly, but then your spouse asked for a divorce. You're not retired yet, but it's drawing closer every day. Will this divorce change your plans?

It probably will. How it does so depends on your situation.

How do you handle divorce when you're older?

No matter what age you are when you get divorced, it can come as a huge emotional blow. However, when you're older, you have less time to bounce back financially before your retirement.

To make sure that you're able to stay on financially-even ground, make sure that you do the following things:

How women can ensure they receive their fair share in divorce

When a couple divorces, they tend to think about how the larger assets will be split. That can include the marital home, furnishings, cars and cash. However, many women are not familiar with the rest of the assets that they have as a married couple.

A financial advisor can be of great help to women who don't have any idea about the total assets of their marriage. For example, there may be many assets or debts that aren't listed, and some divorcing women still do not know where their accounts are all located. This can put them at a significant disadvantage.

Who is less happy in marriage, women or men?

When looking at heterosexual marriages, many people buy into the prevailing myth that women are nearly desperate to get married, while men don't really want to tie the knot and reluctantly go along with it.

While that certainly may be true in some individual cases, the danger is in applying this stereotype to all marriages. To do so assumes that women would be happier than men with their relationships, while men would want out. The statistics shows that things are exactly opposite of that suggestion.

3 ways to make divorce immensely easier on the kids

Divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. The reason for this is that a breakup of any kind leads to a disruption in a person's normal activities. The status quo is no longer there, and it is important for spouses to understand that they will get through this time all right. 

With divorce being so tough on adults, it is understandably more stressful for children. You are not going to be able to prevent stress and heartache completely, but you can make the transition to this new lifestyle easier on any children you share with your ex. 

Tips to take the high road and make divorce easier

Divorce can be tough. It can take weeks or even months for everything to come together. That's a long time for you and your spouse to deal with each other if you're not exactly on the best of terms.

If you have kids, though, the important thing is to focus on being parents. Don't worry about becoming exes. Focus on the kids and make the divorce go as smoothly and easily as you can for them.

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